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Song Advice Im writing a song that might need help Rate Topic:

#1 Zeke16

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Posts: 30
Joined: 09-October 04
Location:Minnesota

Posted 09 October 2004 - 02:32 PM

Hey, i wrote this song the other day, but it doesnt seem quite right, i was wondering if anyone knew a way to make it better? here the song.

Love You So

Intro: C G Am G

C
Someday,
G Am
You’ll find another man,
C
In someway,
G Am
I’ll be there to hold your hand,
C
Cause I’m leavin,
G Am
The first step’s so hard to take,
C
I keep cryin,
G Am
And I can barely breath

Chorus:
C G Am
Why am I,
C G
Still sitting in your room,
C G Am
And why can’t I,
C G
Stop the thoughts of you,
G
If I,
C G Am
Could turn back time,
Am
Then I,
C G Am
Could make you mine,
C
I’m so lonely,
G Am
I used to love you so

C G Am Amsus Am Amsus (2x)

C
Somehow,
G Am
I’ll push it all away,
C
I keep cryin,
G Am
Cause its so hard to take,
C
And someday,
G Am
I’ll learn to love again,
C
I can’t take this,
G Am
You’ve meant so much to me

Chorus

C
I must do this,
G Am
I feel so ripped apart,
C
I can’t be there,
G Am
Knowing we must part,
C
I keep cryin,
G Am
You went behind my back,
C
Are you sorry,
G Am
You’ve lost another man

Chorus

C G Am
So why am I,
C G
Cryin in your room,

C G Am
And why cant I,
C G
Stop the dreams of you
C Am
I used to love you so

C G Am
So why cant I,
C G
Stop the dreams of you,
C
I used to,
C G
I used to love you…

Am Amsus Am Amsus

C G Am Amsus Am Amsus Am

Its ok, but if you have any ideas on better lyrics or riffs let me kno. thanx

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#2 Zeke16

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Location:Minnesota

Posted 09 October 2004 - 02:33 PM

Also, the chords are a bit off, but their on the right line

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#3 stratomaster313

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Posted 10 October 2004 - 07:05 PM

Wrong forum dude....

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#4 Zeke16

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Joined: 09-October 04
Location:Minnesota

Posted 10 October 2004 - 11:27 PM

yea, it was actually an acident when i posted it, right after i did i realized it and posted it in songwriting.

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#5 Beachgirl

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Posts: 2,164
Joined: 26-October 03

Post icon Posted 16 October 2004 - 11:00 AM

QUOTE (Zeke16 @ Oct 9 2004, 01:32 PM)

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I'd clarify what you're trying to say more. You say you're trying to make her yours, and that she'll find another man someday, but then you say she went behind your back which kinda denotes she HAS another man which is why you're leaving. Just a bit of clarification on what you're actually saying and feeling would help the flow of the song, and It almost seems the chorus doesn't fit...if you're sad you're leaving don't you STILL love her. I'm getting a little too into the "meaning" of the song. Sorry, good luck