Need Help, Second song |
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Need Help, Second song |
  Jun 4 2005, 08:28 PM
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#1
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Group: Members Posts: 22 Joined: 11-February 05 From: Mt. Pleasant Member No.: 259214 Position: Student  |
Hey whats up everyone? I am trying to write this song and after the first verse I decided I needed some advice. I am wondering if its sounding to much like a poem. I would like some feed back. Any suggestions will help. Thanks Mike
Here it is: Awaking to another dark day Never seeing the light Never knowing whats to come Never seeing the lies Then I am thinking of starting the 2nd Verse like: What could I have done more... I think I am running into trouble or I dont know where to go with it so any feedback will help. If it helps at all I am focusing the song on My ex-girlfriend and me and never seeing all the things that were going wrong. Thanks agian Mike |
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Jun 4 2005, 08:33 PM
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#2
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 alopex lagopus  Group: Moderators Posts: 33360 Joined: 11-September 04 From: Wales Member No.: 236156 Position: Student |
I have still yet to hear an adequate explanation as to what differentiates lyrics from poetry.
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Jun 4 2005, 09:36 PM
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#3
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 I present to you GTUers, the SuFi Group: Members Posts: 1241 Joined: 5-December 04 From: NOR CAL Member No.: 247238 Position: Student |
QUOTE (Graeme! Yes @ Graeme!,Jun 4 2005, 05:33 PM) I have still yet to hear an adequate explanation as to what differentiates lyrics from poetry.  lol --------------------  You think football is hard, give water polo a go. "I dub thee: Minti" -Beachgirl "Now lets go melt some faces!" -Jack Black |
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Jun 4 2005, 10:14 PM
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#4
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Group: Members Posts: 22 Joined: 11-February 05 From: Mt. Pleasant Member No.: 259214 Position: Student |
QUOTE (deftones_liquid @ Jun 4 2005, 06:28 PM) Hey whats up everyone? I am trying to write this song and after the first verse I decided I needed some advice. I am wondering if its sounding to much like a poem. I would like some feed back. Any suggestions will help. Thanks Mike
Here it is: Awaking to another dark day Never seeing the light Never knowing whats to come Never seeing the lies Then I am thinking of starting the 2nd Verse like: What could I have done more... I think I am running into trouble or I dont know where to go with it so any feedback will help. If it helps at all I am focusing the song on My ex-girlfriend and me and never seeing all the things that were going wrong. Thanks agian Mike |
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Jun 4 2005, 10:14 PM
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#5
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Group: Members Posts: 22 Joined: 11-February 05 From: Mt. Pleasant Member No.: 259214 Position: Student |
oops sorry but thanks for the comments but what do you think of the song
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Jun 4 2005, 10:56 PM
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#6
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 Group: Members Posts: 2164 Joined: 26-October 03 Member No.: 186993 Position: Student |
you gave us one stanza of fairly normal imagery... four lines, what is there to say?
"Um, I like what you said about light" ????? Give us a little more of your thoughts and we'll help you, but we can't write the song FOR you  Good luck avec luminare! Beachy -------------------- The Bunnified Sig
 Ms. GTU 2004 In Training for my "This Is Pants" degree... |
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Jun 4 2005, 11:10 PM
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#7
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Group: Members Posts: 6250 Joined: 20-May 04 Member No.: 221070 Position: Student |
Fragmented thoughts are not easy to say much about.
I will note on what I have seen seems a bit cliché. Your writing this from an experience with a girlfriend you say. That area is a bit hard not to wonder into those cliché lines, but just be original. Graeme, I think the difference between lyrics and poetry is that lyrics have music to them and usually poems don't. But I've heard poems with music which would make them songs, which would make them lyrics... --------------------  |
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Jun 5 2005, 07:37 AM
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#8
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alopex lagopus Group: Moderators Posts: 33360 Joined: 11-September 04 From: Wales Member No.: 236156 Position: Student |
One of my favorite poems is Do Not Go Gentle by Dylan Thomas. Johnathan Cale has turned it into a song. Lyrics are poetry with music, as far as I am concerned. Anyone who says "That's too much like poetry" is talking gibberish to me.
Anyway. We don't generally do fragments of songs around here. You see, out of context it isn't worth much. We have no idea what the rest of the song will be like, so what's the point in looking at that small part? -------------------- |
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Jun 5 2005, 01:36 PM
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#9
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Group: Members Posts: 22 Joined: 11-February 05 From: Mt. Pleasant Member No.: 259214 Position: Student |
Hey thanks for Everyones comments they have help and I am going to post more of the song today. Mike
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Jun 5 2005, 08:02 PM
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#10
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 Rabble Rouser Extraordinaire Group: Members Posts: 36298 Joined: 13-February 05 From: Coming to a riot near you. Member No.: 259453 Position: Teacher |
QUOTE (Graeme! Yes @ Graeme!,Jun 4 2005, 06:33 PM) I have still yet to hear an adequate explanation as to what differentiates lyrics from poetry. bah. Graeme, how many times have I told you? Lyrics are poetry that is sung to music. It's that simple. You keep forgetting, you silly man. --------------------  Don't fool yourself, she was heartache from the moment that you met her. |
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Jun 6 2005, 02:44 AM
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#11
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alopex lagopus Group: Moderators Posts: 33360 Joined: 11-September 04 From: Wales Member No.: 236156 Position: Student |
QUOTE (Will_Wood @ Jun 6 2005, 02:02 AM) QUOTE (Graeme! Yes @ Graeme!,Jun 4 2005, 06:33 PM) I have still yet to hear an adequate explanation as to what differentiates lyrics from poetry. bah. Graeme, how many times have I told you? Lyrics are poetry that is sung to music. It's that simple. You keep forgetting, you silly man. The words themselves are the same. It's not so much a difference as an addition. You know lyrics and poetry are the same, but some other people seem not to. -------------------- |
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Jun 6 2005, 02:50 AM
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#12
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Rabble Rouser Extraordinaire Group: Members Posts: 36298 Joined: 13-February 05 From: Coming to a riot near you. Member No.: 259453 Position: Teacher |
QUOTE (Graeme! Yes @ Graeme!,Jun 6 2005, 12:44 AM) QUOTE (Will_Wood @ Jun 6 2005, 02:02 AM) QUOTE (Graeme! Yes @ Graeme!,Jun 4 2005, 06:33 PM) I have still yet to hear an adequate explanation as to what differentiates lyrics from poetry. bah. Graeme, how many times have I told you? Lyrics are poetry that is sung to music. It's that simple. You keep forgetting, you silly man. The words themselves are the same. It's not so much a difference as an addition. You know lyrics and poetry are the same, but some other people seem not to. Ahhh, well then looks like we agree again. -------------------- Don't fool yourself, she was heartache from the moment that you met her. |
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Lo-Fi Version | Time is now: 9th February 2010 - 12:19 AM |
