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Cartoon CasultyLyrics


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#1 sot

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Posted 06 March 2006 - 01:30 PM

This is a song I wrote for my band, Murderland. The lyrics are probably my favorite and the melody is pretty good too. If you want to hear the actual song, there's a link to our myspace page at the bottem of the page in my sig. Tell me what you think.

We're all cartoon casualties
Zombified by our tv screens
The violence that we see has turned our minds to anarchy

We're all cartoon casualties
Come on kids you know what I mean
Inexposure to UVs has turned our skin a sickly green

I've got a problem my friends have gone insane
And this morbid cartoon orchestra is screaming in my brain
I put on my straight jacket but I'm not feeling well
Turn off my brain and slip away to animated hell again
These afternoons that never end
The tv is my only friend
And then I'm massacring neverland
Hand in hand with ducks and rats and...

We're all cartoon casualties
Bored sex with idle teens
We're technicolor fiends on caffein and amphetamines

We're all cartoon casualties
Brain damaged and diseased
We tune in every week to feed our sick dependencies

I've got a problem my friends have gone insane
And homi-suicidal thoughts are screaming in my brain
I put on my straight jacket but I'm not feeling well
Turn off the lights and slip away to animated hell again
These afternoons that never end
The tv is my only friend
And then I'm massacring neverland
Hand in hand with ducks and rats and...

We're all cartoon casualties
Scum of humanity
Suckin' on batteries and having saturday morning fantasies

We're all cartoon casualties
Unruly and obscene
Judy's parents' basement has become a terrifying scene

I've got a problem all my friends have gone away
And this sense of utter apathy I fear is here to stay
I'm in Judy's basement but it's not going well
Turn off the lights and slip away to animated hell again
These afternoons that never end
The tv is my only friend
And then I'm massacring neverland
Again hand in hand with my monster friends

I've got a problem I cannot feel my face
And my only comfort is the television's dark embrace
I'm making out with Judy and Laura's on the phone
And now I'm sitting in my room so vacant and alone again
These afternoons that never end
The tv is my only friend
And then I massacring neverland
Hand in hand with ducks and rats and...


Bottom of the Hill! Yea!

Listen to my band, Murderland

#2 youthculturekilledmydog

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Posted 06 March 2006 - 08:29 PM

Those are for the most part very cool lyrics.

#3 Silver68

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Posted 06 March 2006 - 09:20 PM

I'm not too fond of metal, Thats the genre I'm guessing it is. Don't have the time to listen to it now.

The lyrics aren't too bad, Like I said I'm not a fan of metal. It's not my place of expertice. I just think the verse repeats too much unless thats your chorus but your chorus is short. So I'm not really sure which is which. I think you could take out one of the verses. And write something better take out the first one write something that involves what you want to say. Just to give a more interesting story.


Thanks for that Silver -- You really are one great poet as well as a songwriter with a mind of your own. Really- Dorio

#4 sot

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Posted 06 March 2006 - 10:04 PM

QUOTE (Silver68 @ Mar 6 2006, 09:20 PM)
I'm not too fond of metal, Thats the genre I'm guessing it is. Don't have the time to listen to it now.

The lyrics aren't too bad, Like I said I'm not a fan of metal. It's not my place of expertice. I just think the verse repeats too much unless thats your chorus but your chorus is short. So I'm not really sure which is which. I think you could take out one of the verses. And write something better take out the first one write something that involves what you want to say. Just to give a more interesting story.


The music is punk, not metal. The song is only 2:14 seconds long, it dosen't need to lose any verses. 2/3 of the song is chorus.


Bottom of the Hill! Yea!

Listen to my band, Murderland

#5 Will_Wood

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Posted 06 March 2006 - 10:18 PM

Well, you have a lot of good ideas. They all seem to flow. The main issue I'm having with it is coherency. It's not all fitting together as well as it should. You have all these great ideas, and you wrote them down all at once. They read as a well-thought out ramble. For punk, you might just get away with it. My suggestion is that you read through what you've written, and pick out some of the better ideas. then, focus your attentions on those ideas. These are a lot of ideas that are similar, but seem mixed up.

Anyways, that's just my own opinion. I like 'em how they are, but you could do much better with some of the lines and ideas you have.
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#6 sot

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Posted 07 March 2006 - 07:39 PM

will anybody actually listen to the song and then give me advice? Critiqueing lyrics out of musical context dosen't really help me.


Bottom of the Hill! Yea!

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#7 Fat rat

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Posted 07 March 2006 - 07:47 PM

Actually, It's an extremely gripping title. Which I was kind of bummed out when I saw that it is a metal band. (Nothing wrong with metal at all. Just not my type of music) But Once I started reading I thought they were quite good. Maybe not quite as intellectual or as biting of a social commentary as they'd like to be, But they are very very catchy. Which one of the most important parts, (I think) Good Job.

#8 Fat rat

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Posted 07 March 2006 - 07:49 PM

QUOTE (sot @ Mar 7 2006, 10:39 PM)
will anybody actually listen to the song and then give me advice?  Critiqueing lyrics out of musical context dosen't really help me.


Well, That's kind of the basis of this forum. But I get what you're saying. My speakers are broken though, but if I can fix them soon, then I'll listen.

#9 sot

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Posted 07 March 2006 - 08:01 PM

QUOTE (Fat rat @ Mar 7 2006, 07:47 PM)
Actually, It's an extremely gripping title. Which I was kind of bummed out when I saw that it is a metal band. (Nothing wrong with metal at all. Just not my type of music) But Once I started reading I thought they were quite good. Maybe not quite as intellectual or as biting of a social commentary as they'd like to be, But they are very very catchy. Which one of the most important parts, (I think) Good Job.


Again, not a metal band.

edit: Perhaps I should explain the context of the song a bit as well. It is not supposed to be a social commentary of any kind. My band is a horror punk band, the song is supposed to be about kids turned into souless, empty pieces of sh*t that are basicly live to do drugs, have sex and kill. think of it as a Brett Easton Ellis omage (american psycho).

Edited by sot, 07 March 2006 - 08:06 PM.



Bottom of the Hill! Yea!

Listen to my band, Murderland

#10 Will_Wood

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Posted 07 March 2006 - 08:32 PM

The Recording is fantastic for the type of music. Usually punk bands do sh*t recording jobs. (even worse than mine!) Don't take offense, but your singer sounds ismilar to Billie joe Armstrong. (bit deeper voice) I actually loved the recording. If the singer upped the key of the vocals just one step, it would be absolutely brilliant. The guitar and drums all fit together and it all just...works. Good job on the song as a whole.

Bit of a tweak on the vox and lyrics, and it would be marketable for damn sure.

By the way, it's casualty

Edited by Will_Wood, 07 March 2006 - 08:37 PM.

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#11 sot

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Posted 07 March 2006 - 09:22 PM

yeah, i know, the only time I spelled it that way is when I goofed in the thread title.


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#12 Will_Wood

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Posted 07 March 2006 - 10:29 PM

I know. I was just giving you a hard time.

Really good job on the recording, though. It's one of the better ones I've heard from GTU.
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#13 sot

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Posted 07 March 2006 - 11:36 PM

If you liked that one, check out the other songs on my page, they're all recorded at pretty much the same quality.


Bottom of the Hill! Yea!

Listen to my band, Murderland

#14 Rud

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Posted 08 March 2006 - 06:44 AM

Not into that genre too much - but I have to say I really enjoyed it. The vocal is really audibe and clear considering the pace of the song. I also really liked October Sky too.

Nick

#15 Fat rat

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Posted 08 March 2006 - 02:51 PM

Hahaha, I love American Psycho!!!! Anyways, I listened to the song and actually enjoyed it much more than I thought. And they lyrics work fine with the way that it's sung. On a side note. For some reason this reminded me more of ska than horrer punk. But yes it was good.

#16 sot

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Posted 08 March 2006 - 04:05 PM

QUOTE (Fat rat @ Mar 8 2006, 02:51 PM)
Hahaha, I love American Psycho!!!! Anyways, I listened to the song and actually enjoyed it much more than I thought. And they lyrics work fine with the way that it's sung. On a side note. For some reason this reminded me more of ska than horrer punk. But yes it was good.


SKA!? Maybe ska core minus upstrokes of any kind which is the only ska part of ska core.


Bottom of the Hill! Yea!

Listen to my band, Murderland



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