10 replies to this topic

[awesem]

These lyrics are written by our GTU friend Blueswannabe. Due to a GTU glitch, he is unable to make new posts at the mo.
Please critique accordingly:

The Storyteller

When the wind in the trees turns from a whisper to a shout,
and the rain is sideways, the rain is sideways
It's not safe to step outside, not for one such as you
you'd get blown away, dont get carried away
By a world that seems so alive

Dont go dancing to the beat
of the blood that pulses, that quickens
That quickens with every move of your feet,
a world out of sadness, a world out of sleep,
foothills of mountains in shadow that seem so alive

Oh what is it, my dear?
you've been drawn to false idols.
Dark totems that whisper dark thoughts in your ear when you're alone.
Oh, doubt, promises, expectations run wild.
Dont listen to the story tellers when you're alone.

Oh what is it my dear?
Do I tell you what you want to hear?
Dont go listening to my stories when you're alone

Look up look up you can't see the summit wreathed in cloud
Climb up high til you can't see the world you left behind
Find the pass that takes you safely to the other side
There you'll find a valley with a river running through it
And a quiet little tavern with an orchard and a garden
Just as gentle lazy summer turns to golden smoky autumn
There you'll find him

[w00dy]

ohw youre a darkie you blues, your storyteller is like drugs. do me im good but ohw so bad. i like that, apart from when ever i meet it. you also have a lovingly crafted turn of phrase. ive noticed that in lots of the songs you write. some folk's lyrics are as they'd say them if they rolled out of their mouths but yours feel as though youve hacked at them with a scalpel until you feel they are as near to perfect as you can get 'um. i cant imagine the music to this (im sure you have some mind) but id like to hear it

[wooooogiecrisp]

when i read the lyrics i was quickly able to make a melody out of them. in my head this would be good to play on a piano.

i have the piano part for the whole song in my head now but the sucky part is that i cant transcribe the music in my head to any audible format.

[wooooogiecrisp]

the code tags arent working for me at the moment but here is some of what i could pull from my head

[wooooogiecrisp]

then maybe a bridge like this (lower case single note, CAPITAL CHORD)

c e a e c e Am (1 & 2 & 3 4 whole)
c e a e c e G (" ")
b d f d b d F (" ")
b a b C (dunno yet)

[Blugh Grant]

Cheers guys, much appreciated. woog that sounds not unlike what came into my head too. Weird

[Blugh Grant]

I done write some more. Not sure if fits. Changes the mood of the ending if it does (it would go at the end)

Look up look up you can't see the summit wreathed in cloud
Climb up high til you can't see the world you left behind
Find the pass that takes you safely to the other side
There you'll find a valley with a river running through it
And a quiet little tavern with an orchard and a garden
Just as gentle lazy summer turns to golden smoky autumn
There you'll find him

[wooooogiecrisp]

i dunno about the last part. particulary the last line, "there youll find him"

anyway, i seem to be making your lyrics into my own song so cheers for that. dunno if ill ever be able to record what im coming up with though.

[Blugh Grant]

You should definitely try. Then, get rich and give me money.

[wooooogiecrisp]

i was hoping lighthouse would get me rich

[Blugh Grant]

Patience, padawoog