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spnj

Member Since 10 Feb 2002
Offline Last Active Jul 14 2009 11:26 AM
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Posts I've Made

In Topic: Say Goodbye

16 March 2008 - 04:11 PM

Alright here is a new version I recorded this weekend. I locked myself away in my room for hours doing it.


CLICK HERE FOR THE SOUNDCLICK

In Topic: read this and tell me what ya think

16 March 2008 - 04:04 PM

overall I liked it. Wasnt a huge fan of the liquor lines as one would call them, but I think I would need to hear it to make a fair critique. I enjoyed the chorus, and all of the possibilities of how it could sound.

In Topic: Song... With music video!

16 March 2008 - 04:00 PM

loved it.

In Topic: Loved You Yesterday ( New Song )

16 March 2008 - 03:57 PM

QUOTE (MattBell @ Mar 16 2008, 01:05 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The days have come and gone
And our lives went by so fast
And now I truly know <-- I would get rid of the word truly here.. flows better.
Our forbidden love wont last
And I hope you see me through <-- maybe get rid of the And here.
Don't blame it on your self

Good start, but its over shadowed by a feeling of lyric crowding. You tried to put too many words into too small a space.


'Cause its the truth about us
It's been there from the start
Are you happy with yourself
Since we've been apart
Through all the lies
And all the anguish
How can you look in the mirror
And be so selfish
Do you, Do you, Do you, Do You
Feel The Same
'Cause I loved you
Loved you
Yesterday, And I still do

I liked this part better, mostly because it just flowed better. The do you's could have been recorded better I think.. maybe a bit slower so it doesnt seem so rushed.



And the truth about us
Will someday be revealed
But until that time
we're just memories in a field

I don't really like this. seems incomplete, crowded and serves little point. I know what your trying to say but I think that it could have been presented better.

'Cause its the truth about us
It's been there from the start
Are you happy with yourself
Since we've been apart
Through all the lies
And all the anguish
How can you look in the mirror
And be so selfish
Do you, Do you, Do you, Do You
Feel The Same
'Cause I loved you
Loved you
Yesterday, And I still do

And Everytime I look In your eyes
I see you looking back in mine


Ok Ok bare with me.... what if instead of going into the full chorus here.. you do something like

And Everytime I look In your eyes
I see you looking back in mine... (hold this note)
Do you, Do you, Do you, Do you
Feel the same
Do you, Do you, Do you, Do you
Feel this pain?
Do you, Do you, Know the truth that lies,
So closely to the surface
So closely in your eyes
Do you, Do you, Do you, Do you
Feel the same
'Cause I loved you
Loved you
Yesterday
Loved you yes-ter-day.



Overall I really liked it, right up my alley. I think it needs tweaking and don't hold back on the singing. I can see this song really coming alive with some strong vocals. Keep it up! I look forward to reading more of your stuff.

Oh and hey maybe you could check out the posts I have up a running right now, my songs Say Goodbye and Be Like you.

Cheers


J

In Topic: ***BETTER EQ AND SHORTER * Original HIGHER...re uploaded...!!!!

16 March 2008 - 03:38 PM

sounded good, my only suggestion is the chorus doesnt' really seem to stand out from the verses. I m not really sure what it is... perhaps the tone... im not a metal guy so I cant claim to know what needs fixing.


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