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Day After


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#1 cdemw

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Posted 06 February 2005 - 04:02 PM

What's it say about my depth,
That I only live for the fear of death,
What kind of living is this
Degredation of my soul.

Chorus:
Try to make sense of a landslide
Of emotion falling over me,
Don't konw how you're gonna do it,
Don't htink you can rescue me.

Lost the will to get out of bed,
Living in this shell, I'm already dead,
How can there be any good
When I'm feeling as bad as this?

Chorus

Shine on me your compassion,
Light the way from my mental lashing,
Lambasting me for what I'm not,
The desire to be all but me.

Chorus

When you hate yourself its hard to explain,
How it is, with this disgust innate,
It's a deep feeling of spite at me,
(only) Alleviated when you are near
Alleviated when you are near.


Try to make sense of a landslide
Of emotion falling over me,
Don't know how you're doing it,
Don't think you'll rescue me.

it can be heard with music and very bad singnig on my soundclick.

Edited by cdemw, 06 February 2005 - 04:03 PM.

user posted image



MY SOUNDCLICK

www.soundclick.com/herrrararr (non-adam)

www.soundclick.com/herrrararandhisadamtronicorchestra.htm



#2 dorio

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Posted 06 February 2005 - 09:38 PM

I've not heard it yet ...

But reading it, i could hear a nice folky tune. OK technically, i don't think the two
opening line's rhyms are so good, (like bed and dead) but overall it's agreable for
i've always liked the old fashionned verse/chorus/verse/chorus formula.

I'd tweak it up here and there.

#3 Graeme! Yes, Graeme!

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Posted 07 February 2005 - 02:00 AM

Angst Clichés™ galore! Writing about emotional turmoil is one of the hardest things to get right without sounding like a whiney teenager who is trying to be cool by writing sad poetry.



I will let DC Simpson portray my thoughts.

#4 cdemw

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Posted 07 February 2005 - 04:23 AM

It was written the "day after" I was released from hospital after having tried to kill myself, and mutilated my chest multiple times with razor blades. THat, as well as being an alcoholic. So, in that respect, yes it is quite angsty.
But thanks for looking at it and giving a review.

user posted image



MY SOUNDCLICK

www.soundclick.com/herrrararr (non-adam)

www.soundclick.com/herrrararandhisadamtronicorchestra.htm



#5 Graeme! Yes, Graeme!

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Posted 07 February 2005 - 05:02 AM

At least you do have genuine problems to write from then. Makes a change.

#6 diom

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Posted 07 February 2005 - 09:31 AM

Hmmm...you know I thought of my brother when I rad this song. That means you captured yourself really really well.

Some of the words I wouldn't have used personally, like lambasting (it's weak) and alleviated ("lifted" does the job), but besides that I liked it. And I'm very sorry for your troubles. Hope you get better soon.

#7 cdemw

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Posted 07 February 2005 - 11:38 AM

Sorry, didn't mean to snap earlier, but they are genuine feelings. It happened a year ago, and those lyrics were written the day after it happened. I recorded it a while ago, and I've never posted in songwriting, so I thought I'd try. I've always been to nervous because your own lyrics never sound pretentious to yourself. Thanks for reading. smile.gif

user posted image



MY SOUNDCLICK

www.soundclick.com/herrrararr (non-adam)

www.soundclick.com/herrrararandhisadamtronicorchestra.htm



#8 djhemp42

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Posted 07 February 2005 - 12:17 PM

I think you could use your experience to create something more personal. Right now, it's just another song about being depressed. Linkin Park can write those on a sunny day while eating ice cream and watching Spongebob.

#9 randomorwhat

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Posted 07 February 2005 - 01:48 PM

QUOTE (djhemp42 @ Feb 7 2005, 08:17 PM)
I think you could use your experience to create something more personal. Right now, it's just another song about being depressed. Linkin Park can write those on a sunny day while eating ice cream and watching Spongebob.

Exactly. You've got some real experience; say it like it is, not like you think it should be, if you know what I mean.

There were some good lines, but some just seemed tired and mvoe than a little over-used. You have got real feeling and emotion behind this, it just needs a bit more practice to come out.

Simon
Look out on a Summer's day, with eyes that know the darkness in my soul...



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