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If Tomorrow Never Came *rate*Lyric wise.. is somethign wrong?


10 replies to this topic

#1 Mike_Perez

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Posted 19 July 2005 - 01:41 PM

i was told that i could need help with my lyrics.. so im going to post it here..


CODE
let me take us back to the moment when we first kissed
moments like thoes with you, are the ones i do cherish
when your wrapped up in my arms, you know that you'll be safe
and when our eyes do meet, i can feel how fast my heart beats

chorus
and if tomorrow never came
and this whole world falls apart
i just want you to know.
That i love you with all my heart

and if the sun it never comes
were left alone in the dark
i'd would never let you go
your wrapped safe up in my arms

(never let you go, never let you go
Always in my arms, always in my arms)


so let me catch my breath, i forgot what i was to say
things like that always happen, when im with you everyday
all i know is i love you, and this would never change
and the way you make me feel, are the feelings i cant explain

//chorus

I try but I canít stop looking into your eyes,
I could stare all day and night you got me mezmorized
By your beauty, and how sweet you areÖÖ to me,
I hope when the sun it never rises
Iím loving every minute Iím spending with you
I donít care If Iím dreaming, and but if its true that Iím dreaming
its the best dream Iíve had in my lifetime.

//chorus


Listen to the song

Edited by Mike_Perez, 19 July 2005 - 01:42 PM.


#2 Fender2.0

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Posted 19 July 2005 - 01:55 PM

the song, the lyrics, the guitar..it was all great! i thought you did a really good job. it was a good song
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#3 Graeme! Yes, Graeme!

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Posted 19 July 2005 - 02:02 PM

If tomorrow never comes
Would you know how much I love you?
-Ronan Keating

#4 LostWarrior

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Posted 19 July 2005 - 04:45 PM

haha, i was trying to work out where i'd hear that before.
it's very nice, very pretty, very pop-ish...

#5 Mike_Perez

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Posted 19 July 2005 - 06:07 PM

hmm, popish... well i guess im getting some positive feedback..

thanks smile.gif

anyone know of a good p rograms to use JUST for remastering?

#6 iamaciderdrinker

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Posted 20 July 2005 - 05:32 AM

QUOTE (Graeme! Yes @ Graeme!,Jul 19 2005, 11:02 PM)
If tomorrow never comes
Would you know how much I love you?
-Ronan Keating


Actually that's a Garth Brooks song, which Ronan covered, but anyway...

Song was a bit bland, no glaring problems. Rhyming was pretty weak but not disastrous. Its passable but it could benefit from a thorough re-write. Nothing original really.
i've been trying for hours, just to think of what exactly to say.
i thought i'd leave you with a letter or a fiery speech,
like when an actor makes an exit at the end of a play.

#7 burningice

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Posted 20 July 2005 - 07:18 AM

Ahh... but its hard to keep originality these days... too many remixes out there. I like it, was impressed.
Said you had a band? If so, can't imagine anything in your way coming from this song. And If I read something wrong, by chance you don't, I'd look into it.
Best of luck w/ your music Mike.
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Stabby rip stab stab

#8 yyiryyib

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Posted 20 July 2005 - 07:22 AM

nice song, but u have alot of syllables in your phrases, as im a singer 1st and a guitarist 2nd, maybe if u took a few words out and shortened the lines down it would flow a bit better

Edited by yyiryyib, 20 July 2005 - 07:24 AM.


#9 impuls3_08

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Posted 01 August 2005 - 01:58 AM

[this song will be great if u make it blues style. a few blues riffs and some badass blues solo to go along with it would be a great song. good job if u wanna know more bout what im sayin email me at [email protected] ph34r.gif

#10 Infest

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Posted 01 August 2005 - 02:01 AM

There's a bit of a thing here about not bringing up old topics without a good reason. If you really want to talk to Mike about the song, PM him.
user posted image
But you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
NIN-Hurt

#11 Will_Wood

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Posted 01 August 2005 - 02:03 AM

QUOTE (impuls3_08 @ Aug 1 2005, 02:58 AM)
[this song will be great if u make it blues style. a few blues riffs and some badass blues solo to go along with it would be a great song. good job if u wanna know more bout what im sayin email me at [email protected]†  ph34r.gif

Dont bring up old topics that have already been critiqued.
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