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Another Song About Californiapretty much my first song


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#1 tele1214

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Posted 26 March 2008 - 08:29 PM

So this is for the most part my first time writing a whole song, not just guitar riffs and the like. The first verse or so is really a little sappy and I think I'm gonna change it. It was recorded on a 4 track that really limited me, but I guess just listen. The vocals suck in part because I was a little sick when I did them, but shwateva.


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Blue skies and sunny weather,
All around me today,
This girl's got her hair down all along the beach,
At least that's what I wish I could say,

People walking around this city,
Say the same thing day to day,
I gotta go man, get the hell outta here,
That's why I'll be on my way,

Here's another song about California,
Cause that's where she said she'd like to go,
It's cold here in the winter, but I can't help but wonder,
How long she'd be waitin for the snow,

Well in the air there's a sensation,
Like rivers flowing on a lake,
Sooner or later it'll feel like summer,
And it all starts all over again,

Here's another song about California,
Cause that's where she said she'd like to go,
It's cold here in the winter, but I can't help but wonder,
How long she'd be waitin for the snow,

Well give me Chicago,
Big tall buildings keep me safe,
And I know I ain't never seen the ocean,
So maybe L.A.'d be just okay,

Here's another song about California,
Cause that's where she said she'd like to go,
It's cold here in the winter, but I can't help but wonder,
How long she'd be waitin for the snow,

Here's another song about California,
Cause that's where she said she'd like to go,
It's cold here in the winter, but I can't help but wonder,
How long she'd be waiting,
How long she'd be waiting for the snow,
Tell me how long you'd be waitin for snow,

Edited by tele1214, 27 March 2008 - 07:41 PM.


#2 w00dy

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Posted 28 March 2008 - 10:51 AM

i like it. its ruff and doesnt flow like it should but i still like it - thing i dont like about it is its title. its really off putting and cunjours images of surfer types being anoyingly 'cool' by living on chance and quick wits and shagging porno starlets (honest thats what i was expecting), and probably why ive not listend to it before - personally i would have gone with '(she'll be) waiting for the snow' or something, but that is entirely subjective. nice song though

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go on give it a listen, it's good.

 


#3 mantra

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Posted 01 April 2008 - 07:41 AM

The rythm guitar (I think) has a bit of grain to it, bit noisy. Nothing too bad, it just give it a real demo feel. The lyrics feel a tad unpolished. Lines like "I gotta get the hell outta here" and then "that's why I'll be on my way" feel rehashed and you already mention you're leaving so the listener figures already that you'll be on your way. The chorus I found confusing too. I don't know what it means, and I always thought it was warm there ... sad.gif
I think you overdid the vocals on the end. I can hear what you're going for but they're not ready yet. Practice.
Don't get me wrong though, with a couple of fixes this could turn into a nice song. It definetly has that laid back, chill feel to it.
<-- NEW SONG availible! Check it, yo.

#4 tele1214

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Posted 01 April 2008 - 12:34 PM

thanks for the advice, there's probably a few things that i'm gonna change, and the recording isn't all that great cause it was on my 4 track, plus i'm not too much of a singer. the chorus is supposed to mean the "here" being where i'm at in cleveland, so it's pretty cold right now, or at least when i wrote the song. it's basically about how people always want to leave (or talk about it) for california for the warm weather, but i've never actually been there myself. also the "get the hell outta here" line was supposed to be in quotes, like what others were saying.



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