What do u think of this songnot finished yet
Posted 09 April 2004 - 11:00 AM
Composer: Oscar Jacobsson
Thinking of you all the time
When it was you and me
Thought you never would leave me
Thought you loved me
But then you ran away from me
|:Alone in this sorrowed world -
Could do anything to get you back to me -
Im lost without you -
in this life of coldness :|
Posted 09 April 2004 - 11:37 AM
Old Soundclick --- Current Soundclick
Posted 09 April 2004 - 07:04 PM
old words can you honestly say uve never seen some of these lines in other poorly written songs, u need to tell us a story instead of just saying Thought you loved me, its just nothing there that makes the reader enjoy this,
keep writing but dont be scared to write something tdifferent than we were cool when we were together and stuff like that write something completely new that no body has ever thought of, it might work
Posted 09 April 2004 - 11:26 PM
comment on an unfinish song, it's like commenting a mountain when you've never
seen one, or explaining the sea when you've never seen it...
This said, i think the little corner you have unveiled is like brad just described it's
"stale" ... But there are ways to salvage a stale verse, and a hesitant chorus.
Posted 10 April 2004 - 07:25 AM
It's bare, far too bare. You don't say enough, you have no movement...you need far more substance to form a song around. What you're got at the moment is a bare idea, nothing more than an introduction I'd even suggest.
I'd also say it's a tired out idea, and just lacks real flare I suppose. Try to think originality
Posted 14 April 2004 - 02:30 PM
Coffee black and egg white.
You're really rather good. - Greame
One of the top five song writers on this forum- Will
Some day I will murder you- Jeff
Posted 16 October 2015 - 01:01 PM
well done in giving it a go :-) takes courage to post something that means something to you. keep going with it and see where it leads. sometimes simple words can be good because it's in black and white it's hard to get a feeling for it but, with music behind it who knows. A lot of songs have simple lyrics and they do well sometimes complicated over thought out songs you hear the lyrics and go umm what?
admit it as good as Michael Jacksons Billie Jean is...you all sung at one time..words you had no idea what he was saying!
like the chair is not my son!
man in the mirror I sang Im tlaking about the man in the mirror im asking him to shave his face no moustache for the man and his clippers!
I sung that when at wembly 92 when tiny little me existed and my sis looked at me said you think hes singing what? I said thats what he's singing..sis husband was fits of giggles. listening to me singing whatever thought mj was singing at concert!
Jam...he ate too much stuff he ate too much..it aint too much for me! jam uh huh me thinks too much stuff... see !
sometimes simple is best..
especially for simpletons like me!
Reply to this topic
0 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users